It has come to my attention that I've been lied to since puberty. See, what you don't know, fellas, is that in addition to being told e can still go swimming when we have our period, we are also told that we must work hard not to be crazy. It's not blatant, you know. It's disguised as medical jargon.
"You're going to experience a lot of hormones during that time of the month."
What the fuck is a hormone? Oooooh it's something unseen that insights rage and terror to all those in my path. Right.
"Just remember...it's hormones and this is all perfectly natural."
Translation: Stop acting like a fucking maniac or no one will take you to prom.
This was ALL a lie. Crazy girls get so much ass. How many times have you thought to yourself, "That girl is fucking crazy" as she's walking down the aisle in a (laughable) white dress? I was at a wedding reception once and the bride danced over to me. She just danced over, didn't have anything to say. So I said what you're supposed to say at all weddings: "The ceremony was beautiful. You look gorgeous. Congratulations!" Lindsay Lohan smiled like she was on acid and said, "I've had 6 glasses of wine, 8 vicodin and 4 adderall. I'm surprised my heart is still beating." This was not her first marriage.
Think about it. Think about all the crazy, crazy chicks you know who always have a man. It's stunning. For now, I'm going to work on being much, much crazier in an effort to get laid.
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