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Today is December 31, 2010 and my Aunt Terry died at the very young age of 49.  Her death is making me feel all kinds of things; sadness, anger, fear...you name it.  It's also making me think about what it means to be an auntie.

I won't lie, I am not extremely close to my father's siblings.  Part of the reason for that is that they are all over the country.  But another reason is that my father and his siblings--4 sisters and 1 brother--had very challenging childhoods and when my father left home, he truly left.  He still had regular contact with his siblings and never stopped loving them but his goal was to make a new family.  So he had us.

I am an auntie.  I have 2 nieces who are stunningly beautiful, incredibly intelligent and have the ability to make me smile even in my worst times.  I hope I have more nieces and nephews because I know the joy of seeing my nieces faces light up when I come through the door; I love the sound of my niece Quinlan's soft little cheer of "Aunt Dee!"; I relish the wide smile and sound resembling "Hi Dee" that I get from my niece Sawyer.  There is nothing more amazing than holding them in my arms and feeling the warmth of their little bodies, thinking of all the amazing things that lie ahead of them and knowing that I would give my life for theirs without hesitation. 

Being an auntie is such a pleasure and I wouldn't trade it for anything.  It means that I will take them to movies and let them eat too much popcorn.  It means I will have slumber parties with them and let them stay up as late as they want.  It means I will buy them toys that make noise just to annoy their parents.  I will always say yes to hot chocolate, to cookies, to gummi bears.  It means I will listen without judgment when they are angry at their parents.  I will try to say wise things occasionally and I will never ask them if they have a boyfriend because I never want them to think that I believe they need anything other than themselves.

When I die, my nieces will still be alive and thriving.  I want them to remember that I made them laugh, that I always listened and that I made a difference somehow, to someone.  Above all, I want them to remember that I loved them with all my heart and it never, ever wavered or faded.  That's all I can ask for.