If I Were a Tyrannosaurus Rex

Writer Gene Marks recently published a blog post to Forbes.com titled, "If I Were a Poor Black Kid". The article is about what Gene Marks would do to change his situation if he was a poor black kid. Mr. Marks apparently decided to write the article after taking a moment to think about his kids and how they have more advantages than poor black kids in West Philadelphia. This is logical. I often think about what Ryan Gosling is doing and that usually prompts me to determine what I think he should be doing. (Me.)


Oh, guess what? Gene Marks is not a poor black kid. He is actually a middle aged white man.
I wonder if he was drinking a nice, hot cup of Starbucks Christmas Blend when he wrote this article. Perhaps he’d just had a few Kashi Go Lean waffles with just a spritz of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter. I know that’s what I was doing when I settled into read his opinion of that which he knows nothing about.

Gene admits up front that he is not a poor black kid, which I already knew when I caught site of his easy-like-Sunday-morning picture. Gene looks like your Dad’s friend or the only male employee in the Human Resources department who occasionally has a socially awkward conversation with you in the break room. Harmless, friendly and somehow overtaken by a force that he feels bestowed him with the power to determine what poor black kids need to do.

Gene thinks they need to learn how to write code. I don’t know why; perhaps because people who can do those types of things make good money and money is apparently the key to shedding the label of “poor black kid.” Gene also says that if he were a poor black kid, he would strive to get the best grades possible because grades are the key to opportunity and opportunity is they key to success. Or learning how to write code is they key to opportunity...or success. I don't know.

Technology seems to be his main angle. And don't bother bringing up tales of limited access to technology. Gene would like us to know that he knows a few school teachers and those school teachers have told him that even the poorest schools have or can afford cheap computers and internet access nowadays. Incidentally, I don't invest in the stock market but I know some people who do, so when you're ready for that financial advice, you give me a call.
Gene goes on to list all the resources he would tap into if he were a poor black kid, like Google Scholar, Academic Earth and something called Project Gutenberg, which I can only assume is a task force designed to get Steve Gutenberg back into films as quickly as possible.

Then Gene lets us in on a little secret: private schools have scholarships. so. If you're a poor black parent who's spent the last few years strategizing about how to get your poor black kid into Exeter, worry no more. They have Poor Black Kid scholarships. What are you poor blck families waiting for?!
Overall, Gene Marks does exactly what you’d expect a white guy from the suburbs to do: he sweeps all the shit under the rug. “Poor black kids” becomes a one-dimensional category that seemingly has no reason for being poor and also no additional factors that might be preventing them from downloading Evernote. His “you can do it, kids” tone only proves that he has no fucking idea what the fuck he is talking about. None. Zero.

Now. Do I think being poor and black means you can’t succeed? Absolutely not. But do I think Gene’s paint-by-numbers advice makes any sense? No. I imagine Gene Marks has been to many cocktail parties and ended up in quiet discussions about how poor people of color really just need to stop complaining and make something of themselves. This isn’t new; conservatives have been saying this shit for years. Newt Gingrich just told America that he thinks poor kids should be required to get jobs so they learn some skills. Trust me—every white middle aged asshole in America thinks they know what’s best for poor black kids. Gene Marks is just another asshole.

But you know what? You make my job so easy. I don’t have to do or say anything; you do it all for me. And for that, I say thank you.