Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The DSM IV Should Add "Celebrity" to Their List of Personality Disorders.

After reading the 400th Facebook status re: "50 Cent told gay men to kill themselves", I got tired.  I'm not even going to go into the fact that he wasn't actually telling gay men to commit suicide.  I know it's something that is on everyone's mind right now but take a breath.  Also: here is the larger point: why do you give a fuck about anything 50 Cent has to say????

Born Curtis James Jackson III, the man better known as 50 Cent has spent most of his 35 years getting arrested, getting shot and generally being a douchebag.  I know we love it when black men go from thug to millionaire but Jay Z did the same thing and has never made a public comment about eating pussy.  That's called inappropriate behavior and instead of patting him on the head and moving on, we turn it into a National Emergency.  Everyone has a friend that is totally clueless; just a tool to end all tools.  We'll call him Dwayne.  When Dwayne says stupid shit, what do you do?  You ignore him because he's a tool.  Selling lots of records doesn't mean you know shit about shit.


"Osama Bin Laden is the only one who knows what I’m going through", said R. Kelly one fine afternoon.  You may or may not remember that but it really didn't get that much attention.  Why?  Because R. Kelly has made a career out of craziness.  Have you seen that Trapped in a Closet shit he did?  It's insane.  It is literally a psychological study in nuttiness.      


People lost their minds when John Mayer said some whack-a-doodle stuff in an interview with Playboy.  John Mayer.  John.  Mayer.  A man with no taste whatsoever.  All he has is a guitar and some sensitive lyrics about moms and daughters and wonderlands.  People flipped out.  They were so offended that John Mayer used the word nigger in an interview with Playboy.  Remember Dwayne?  Remember how we ignore whatever Dwayne says because he's a tool?  The same strategy applies here.  I don't like the word nigger either but it came out of John Mayer's mouth, which means it's got about as much worth as a used tampon.


I'm certainly not saying that we should look the other way when celebrities say racist, homophobic, sexist, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad things.  But instead of spending all our energy creating Facebook pages to boycott 50 Cent, we need to remember that 50 Cent is a moron: he isn't being paid to make intelligent, unifying statements.  He's being paid to be a stereotype, make horrible music and give white kids in the suburbs the illusion that they have street cred.  And please don't use the "role model" defense because it's bullshit.  If your kids tell you their role models are 50 Cent or Britney Spears or John Mayer, then you have failed as a parent.  Yeah, I said it.  Seriously.  Does your kid ever open a book?



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