Don't Eat These Things

The following foods are gross:

1. Black olives.  Less salty than their green counterparts, the black olive is but a sour enigma in the world of Mediterranean foods.  Their yuckiness, combined with their creepy texture make them utterly inedible.
2. Celery.  I'm on a diet, what should I eat?  How about a stick of stringy, watery weirdness that tastes like bad breath smells.  Sounds great.  Here we are at camp; I'd like to offer you peanut butter and raisins on a stick of crunchy puke.  Yum.  Celery is good for one thing: recipes.  But only recipes that tell you to sautee the hell out of it.
3. Sun dried tomatoes.  Is it a raisin?  No.  Is it a tomato? Sort of.  Does it totally overpower everything else on your plate?  Yes.
4. Pickled beets.  Tart.  Also, it will turn your mouth the color of cherry Kool-Aid and that ain't right.
5. Tuna that comes out of a can.  Fish: nature's delicious pets.  I love fish but canned tuna makes me gag.  It's like cat food...for people.
6. Giblets.  I get it...back in the day, us black folks had to scrounge and eat the scraps from the bird.  But my people, we are free now!  We no longer need to eat these disgusting organs, with or without breading and hot sauce.  When I lived in Seattle, the youth program I ran would occasionally spring for Ezell's Chicken--the best chicken in the world.  I was always stunned when some of these educated, independent, beautiful young black women would order the giblet basket.  With fries.  Fries ain't gonna change that fact that you're eating the inside of the bird.
7. Canned vegetables.  Mmm these peas taste like metal.  I got news for ya: canned vegetables are no cheaper then frozen vegetables.  Buy the frozen ones.
8. Okra.  Puke and barf.  I do not like anything that has a "naturally occurring" snot-like coating.  The first time I cooked with okra, I was baffled.  Who the hell snotted into my stew?  No one.  It was okra.
9. Coleslaw.  Chopped cabbage with mayonnaise.  Weird.  And not good.  Who came up with this?  "Um, we need a side dish."  "Well, we have cabbage and mayonnaise...."
10. Pretty much anything from Quizonos.  Call me a purist but if I don't know what "rancho sauce" is, then I don't want to eat it.  I also do not like hot mayonnaise.  That's just dangerous.  Furthermore, I like to be able to eat my sandwiches without having to wear a bib.
11. Burger King.  There's nothing good on their menu.  When I was a kid, I loved their chicken sandwiches.  I also loved bologna.  And Barbies. So...yeah....
12. Popcorn shrimp.  This may have something to do with the fact that I got the stomach flu right after eating popcorn shrimp when I was 10.  But it might just be gross.
13. Baba Ganoush.  Bugers.  The exact texture of bugers.  I gaged and spit this out the first time I tried it.  It's bugers.
14. Tempeh.  I was a vegetarian for 8 years.  I love all that fake meat shit.  But when the waitress at The Mud Pie explained to me what I was eating, I could not go on.  Fermented tofu.  Why?  It's like someone thought "I've come up with something more off-putting than tofu:  rotten tofu." 
15. Blue cheese.  Some cheese person sopped up someones puke with balls of mold and it ended up in my Cobb salad.  Fantastic.