What's up with that? Every guy I know--INCLUDING THE NANCY GAY ONES--is gross. They talk about gross things, they eat gross stuff, they smell gross and they find gross things hilarious.
Case in point: 2 Girls, One Cup.
I have not seen this legendary nugget of puke and, quite frankly, I don't want to. I have some idea of what the "plot" is and it's something I'm certain will be burned into my brain for the rest of my life. So why are dudes watching it?
I asked a dude who has seen it and takes pleasure in showing it to others.
We'll call him "Todd."
Me: So what's the deal, Todd?
Todd: I don't know. It's funny.
Me: Is it?
Todd: It's hilarious.
Me: So...you find the (alleged) consumption of feces and subsequent puking hilarious?
Todd: (laughing) Yeah, dude, it's so fuckin' funny.
Me: You don't find it gross?
Todd: (laughter waning): Well, I mean...yeah, but...it's also funny.
Me: But why, Todd? Why is it funny? What exactly is funny about it?
Todd: (long pause) I don't know...but...it is. It's...funny.
Me: You don't sound so sure of yourself anymore, Todd. Could it be that the reality of what you've watched 17 or 18 times is just now starting to sink in? Do you feel ashamed, Todd? Dirty? A little bit sad?
Todd: Boobs. Beer.
I don't know if Todd was irritated by my line of questioning or if he was distracted by our environment (a bar) and my ginormous cans. What I do know is that Todd went online and pulled up said video YET AGAIN for his friend, "Steve", who also peed himself laughing.
I lived with this dude once and he was extremely gross. He had a subscription to Hustler, perhaps the grossest thing on the planet. I'm not even offended by it; I'm baffled. Women squatting and peeing in a junkyard...hot. No. Not hot. Gross.
Dude was on the computer one day and called me into the room.
"You gotta see this!"
Thinking it was some hilarious internet video, like a reporter in a grape stomping contest who falls off a platform and makes bizarre, gutteral noises, I rushed into the room and eagerly peered over his disgusting shoulder. He clicked "play" and I saw....
A KGB video of a man's head being cut off with a pocket knife.
It took me a minute to realize what I was seeing. Once I figured it out, I went ape shit. Dude looked at me like I was crazy as I screamed, threw things and screamed, asking him why THE FUCK he thought I;d want to see something like that.
"Dude...it's funny."
NO IT'S NOT. IT'S DISGUSTING AND GROSS AND I FUCKING HATE YOU.
Even the guys who are trying to get you in the sack are eventually gross. I had an ex-boyfriend who used to spritz his sheets with yummy smelling...stuff...before I came over. While I found it kind of suspect (read: gay), I enjoyed the light fragrance of lavender at bed time. Fast forward less than one year and dude is clipping his toenails in bed next to me. He farts and pulls the covers over my head. He ceases the brushing of teeth prior to kissing me. I break up with him.
I don't expect you to be spotless; without gas and other basic human bodily functions; or have toenails and hair that groom themselves. But please....for the love of God...don't be disgusting. It's not funny. It's gross. And I got news for ya: chicks don't turned on by gross.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Wait...This Is My "NO WAY" Face....
There was this guy, his name was OJ Simpson and he murdered his ex-wife and her friend. But he totally got away with it despite the fact that EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHER knew that he was guilty. He even wrote this book called "IF I Did It" (alternately titled "Ha Ha, I Totally Got Away With Double Homicide"). Then, 13 years later, like a true dumbass, he got himself arrested for stealing his own shit. Folks 'round the world were stunned. I agree with Katt Williams: when you get away with double homicide, JAYWALKING is a bad idea. Not to mention armed robbery.
It seems that one Joran van der Sloot, the ONLY SUSPECT in the 2005 disapperance of Natalee Holloway, has been taking his cues from Mr. Simpson. After writing a book--seriously, what is it with that course of action? It would be one thing if you were completely, 100% cleared. Like, "We're so sorry, Mr. van de Sloot, the DNA recovered at the scene of the murder was totally not yours" cleared. Like went on The Oprah Winfrey Show and told the world how shattered your soul was after being accused of this henious crime that you did not, without question, DID NOT commit. For real...writing a book about it only draws more attention to the fact that EVERYONE KNOWS YOU'RE GUILTY.
I digress.
Anyway, after writing a book about the Natalee Holloway case in which he admit lying to the police, van der Sloot then CONFESSED TO HER MURDER while smoking weed with an undercover reporter. Apparently the rules in Aruba & Holland (his native country) are real, real different than they are in most other places because the reaction to this confession (by law enforcement, the Aruban poeple, the Dutch, etc) was "Eh." Despite the fact that his confession was caught on video, truly, no one seemed to care.
Bet they care now.
It seems that as I type, Joran is fleeing, on foot, from Peru (most likely headed for Argentina)to hopefully out run yet another dead woman. The body of a 21 year old Peruvian woman, who had been missing for five days, was found in a hotel room that was rented to Joran van der Sloot. Now...if you rent a hotel room, go down to the pool, have a few drinks, chat up the ladies, grab a bite to eat and return to your room to find a dead body, what do you do? Get on the horn and call the cops or at the very least, the front desk. You only run if you are the reason for the dead body.
One missing and presumed dead woman...one definitely dead woman...how many more ladies are going to die before this piece of shit is brought to justice?
Back in 2005, when he was twice arrested as the prime suspect in Natalee Holloway's disapperance, his rich, powerful father threw around some influence and got his son released. Then the van der Sloot family shuttled their kid out of Aruba as fast as they could to avoid any more suspicion being heaped on him. Now, the elder van der Sloot is deceased and while I'm sure the family remains a force to be reckoned with (people with money often are), there's really no way anyone--not even his momma--can overlook how SUPER DUPER OBVIOUS THIS IS.
Let's just hope this asshole is captured quickly. Let's also hope, for the sake of her family and friends, that he finally tells the truth about what happened to Natalee Holloway.
It seems that one Joran van der Sloot, the ONLY SUSPECT in the 2005 disapperance of Natalee Holloway, has been taking his cues from Mr. Simpson. After writing a book--seriously, what is it with that course of action? It would be one thing if you were completely, 100% cleared. Like, "We're so sorry, Mr. van de Sloot, the DNA recovered at the scene of the murder was totally not yours" cleared. Like went on The Oprah Winfrey Show and told the world how shattered your soul was after being accused of this henious crime that you did not, without question, DID NOT commit. For real...writing a book about it only draws more attention to the fact that EVERYONE KNOWS YOU'RE GUILTY.
I digress.
Anyway, after writing a book about the Natalee Holloway case in which he admit lying to the police, van der Sloot then CONFESSED TO HER MURDER while smoking weed with an undercover reporter. Apparently the rules in Aruba & Holland (his native country) are real, real different than they are in most other places because the reaction to this confession (by law enforcement, the Aruban poeple, the Dutch, etc) was "Eh." Despite the fact that his confession was caught on video, truly, no one seemed to care.
Bet they care now.
It seems that as I type, Joran is fleeing, on foot, from Peru (most likely headed for Argentina)to hopefully out run yet another dead woman. The body of a 21 year old Peruvian woman, who had been missing for five days, was found in a hotel room that was rented to Joran van der Sloot. Now...if you rent a hotel room, go down to the pool, have a few drinks, chat up the ladies, grab a bite to eat and return to your room to find a dead body, what do you do? Get on the horn and call the cops or at the very least, the front desk. You only run if you are the reason for the dead body.
One missing and presumed dead woman...one definitely dead woman...how many more ladies are going to die before this piece of shit is brought to justice?
Back in 2005, when he was twice arrested as the prime suspect in Natalee Holloway's disapperance, his rich, powerful father threw around some influence and got his son released. Then the van der Sloot family shuttled their kid out of Aruba as fast as they could to avoid any more suspicion being heaped on him. Now, the elder van der Sloot is deceased and while I'm sure the family remains a force to be reckoned with (people with money often are), there's really no way anyone--not even his momma--can overlook how SUPER DUPER OBVIOUS THIS IS.
Let's just hope this asshole is captured quickly. Let's also hope, for the sake of her family and friends, that he finally tells the truth about what happened to Natalee Holloway.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)